Thursday, June 14, 2007

Wannation-undergod Pledgelings

Here's a file I found on this hard drive that I had sent to the FSM (Flying Spaghetti Monster) guy but which never made it into hyperspace (AFAIK).

I appreciate the important work that you have done to bring Pastafarianism into the Kansas public schools as an alternative to the 2 mainstream theories of human origin: devolution and unintelligent design error.

However, I think the threat to Kansas schoolchildren may be less than supposed. Perhaps they will even take science even more seriously, as students' critical thinking faculties are stimulated by the incredible line of bullshit they are being fed.

A far greater threat, and area where the Flying Spaghetti Monster teachings could be more effectively applied, is in the public schools nationwide, where millions of schoolchildren are asked, every school day, to recite a public prayer and affirmation of monotheistic beliefs. While agreeable to Christians, Jews, and Muslims, this affirmation obviously offends atheists as well as followers of Hindu, Buddhist, Shinto and other belief systems, as these people worship either zero gods or multiple gods or spirits. Even the teachings of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, as I interpret them, do not rule out the existence of other, equally "supreme" beings.

Speaking of the Supremes, although the California courts have ruled favorably in a case involving this pledge, Grand Ayutollah John Roberts, a former Republican party activist, may act to enshrine this pledge in our nation's laws as an article of faith. Look at what has happened to flag-burning: once prescribed as the proper way to dispose of a flag, it is now a federal crime as the flag has morphed into a religious icon in this culture.

I believe the time is ripe to propose to legislators the modification of the National Schoolchildren's Undergod pledge. I have attached the Eisenhower-undergod version below, together with two proposed modifications. I submit these for your examination and that of other FSMists.

Pledge of Allegiance
("Undergod" version by Dwight Eisenhower, June 14, 1954)

I pledge allegiance to the Flag
of the United States of America,
and to the Republic for which it stands:
one Nation under God, indivisible,
With Liberty and Justice for all.

Pledge of Allegiance (US domestic release)
(Proposed by Blues Tea-Cha, September 23, 2005)

I pledge allegiance to the Flag
of the Pirate States of America,
and to the Creator of the Universe:
the Flying Spaghetti Monster,
With Meatballs and Noodly Appendages. (Ramen)

Alternate Proposal: (World Version)
(First Draft Version, September 23, 2005)
I pledge allegiance to the Flag
of the Flying Spaghetti Monster,
and to the Pirates who for Him stand:
One world, Pastafarian,
With Parmesan* and Meatballs* for all.

(*This last line could be modified by individuals in accordance with their own beliefs; vegetarians may want to invoke mushrooms, pepperoncini, tabasco, or other herbs, for example.)
My Yahoo news source has vanished from hyperspace, but it had said:
U.S. District Judge Lawrence Karlton ruled that the pledge's reference to one nation "under God" violates school children's right to be "free from a coercive requirement to affirm God." Karlton said he was bound by precedent of the 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals, which in 2002 ruled in favor of Sacramento atheist Michael Newdow that the pledge is unconstitutional when recited in public schools.

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