Sunday, June 18, 2006

Control, alt, delete

Microshaft Chairman Willie Windos recently announced that he will "transition-out" of his day-to-day role at the company. Willie had earlier given up his day-to-day donut and his day-to-day bagel at the company, but is still expected to be the hole around which the company, makers of the infectiously popular Orifice Productivity Suite, Microshaft Gates OS and Hasta-la-Vista OS, revolves. The virtualization software which will enable the chairman to perform his RPG (role-playing game, not rocket-propelled grenade) duties while physically elsewhere will not complete the required personality upload until 2008–assuming no further delays.

A Microshaft spokesperson refused to confirm or deny rumors that the Chairman was leaving to pursue a 2008 Presidential bid. Such a move would be expected to provoke a counter-declaration of candidacy from Steve Jobs, prompted perhaps by Apple board member Al Gore.

While the United States is clearly in desperate need of new and intelligent leadership, preferably by a techie, and an operating system upgrade, suspicions persist that the Microshaft Chairman is seeking the Presidency in order to issue an Executive Order that would admit all literate citizens of India as minimum-wage programmers, potentially causing further political polarization in the country. We suggest Dean Kamen as a third-party candidate, instead.

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