Bush visits Iraq

George Bush was walking through Baghdad.

"What a majestic surge!"
"What a powerful shock!"
"What awe!"

As he was walking beside a burnt out Humvee, he heard a click behind him. He tuned around and found himself staring down the barrel of a gun held by an Arab. The Arab yelled out, "Prepare to die, Infidel!"

Bush cried out, "Oh my god!"

Time stopped.
The Arab froze.
The war zone was silent.

As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky.

"You have used my name without permission. You said you consulted with me when you didn't. Now everyone thinks I am responsible for this mess. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament?

The neo-con looked directly into the light, "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask You to treat me as a honest Christian now, but perhaps You could make the Arab a Christian?"

"Very well," said the voice.

Stunned and relieved at the benevolence of the Creator, Bush decided to make an additional request. "Excuse me? While you're at it, dear lord, is it asking too much to make him an American, too? I really, really will consult with you next time, I promise I will."

"You test my patience with your requests. Yet, the power of repentance and forgiveness is unlimited. I shall grant your request, and go one further. Let him be a Christian, an American, and a woman. These things usually come in threes."

The light went out. The sounds of machine guns and carpet bombing resumed. A sharp boot kick to the chin knocked the crouching neo-con onto his side. He tasted the unexpected taste of "doo-doo" sticking to his beard. "You got dog shit on your boots, bitch!" he shouted, but only gibberish came out. He could have sworn that he didn't have a beard. He realized that he was naked, and that a dog collar was clasped tightly around his neck, as he looked up at the vacant face of Lynndie England.